learning

I do not learn

all that I do
is try and
remember

my addictions
recovered from, almost

my scars
my loving fingers
caress
their textured surface
each earned
their pain hidden
Deeply
but remembered
well enough

my cold hand
still clutched round
my fluttered heart

from these things
I do remember
but I can not learn

I’ll keep my face
hidden always
for I cannot bear
my own reflection
Now

I am nothing
like this

There is a moment of night
just before the coming
Black
I have become
this moment

The moment
behind shadows

and I will
not
learn